1. Tearing you down
Jealousy and insecurity go hand-in-hand. We unconsciously get jealous of the people that make us feel small and inferior see when you can’t see the value in your own accomplishments. You rely on the people around you to give them worth and substance, their praise makes you feel valuable. It gives you confidence, power and energy but what happens when someone more secure or established enters the scene if they steal the spotlight how does that make you feel?
Someone say angry, others would say lonely people who can’t deal with this lack of attention tend to say jealous. They felt like a big deal before and they want to feel that way again so they do everything they can to put things back the way they were. But here’s the thing most of the people who get jealous like. They don’t have the courage to confront you face-to-face instead they insult or criticize you when you’re not there to defend yourself. People gossip like this for two main reasons;
First of all you probably intimidate them while others make them feel powerful. You make them feel powerless; they won’t insult you to your face because they’re just plain scared. Second they know that what they’re saying is exaggerated or untrue but if you’re not there you can’t call them out on it which means they can basically say whatever they want in their minds. Tearing you down restores their own image, when you look bad they think it makes them look good they start to feel superior again while throwing you under the bus.
So what are you supposed to do about it? You can’t really call them on it because you weren’t there to see it happen and you definitely shouldn’t stoop to their level. Honestly the best thing you can do is display kindness, that way you always come out looking like the bigger person making them feel guilty for talking behind your back.
2. Hating your advice
Whenever you give someone advice does their mood suddenly worsen do they get mad at you for trying to help? This is actually a common sign of jealousy among friends.
I say among friends because in most situations offering advice isn’t the best idea. People don’t like it when a stranger randomly weighs in on their life and I don’t blame them. They don’t know you and you don’t know them you’re just asserting yourself where you don’t belong.
Even if you’re trying to help, unwanted advice can feel patronizing but when you’re giving advice to a friend you know what you’re talking about you know who they are and where they come from. You have perspective on their life and they know you want the best for them so your opinion should matter.
Normally friends value or at least consider each other’s advice but when they get angry or bitter it may mean they’re harboring a bit of jealousy. Maybe they Envy something you have, they might think you’ve left them behind somehow without realizing it. Your advice is just reminding them of how they failed; they feel like you’re rubbing it in their face which gets them riled up. If these sounds familiar don’t worry you’re not the problem their insecurities are twisting your words. You could say anything and they’d still feel like you’re criticizing their life.
3. Undermining success
Let’s say you just got back from the biggest trip of your life, after years of training and planning you finally scaled your first mountain. When you get back to work the next week you tell your co-workers all about it everyone congratulate you and ask questions except for one guy who says that mountain isn’t even that tall, hundreds of people have climbed it. Jealous people will habitually undermine your accomplishments whenever you do something you’re proud of.
They’ll swoop in to make you feel worse about it, they’ll say things like everyone could do that or it isn’t really all that hard because they wish they had done it themselves. The idea is to make you achievements seem easy even if they aren’t, that way they don’t have to feel like a failure in comparison. Luckily there’s a foolproof solution to I’m out no matter what they say be proud of what you accomplished all that matters is that you set out to do something and you did it.
4. Petty arguments
Starting arguments is probably the most irritating sign of jealousy, on this list the simple truth is people don’t like to lose when someone is jealous of you. You may seem better than them in a lot of ways maybe you get paid more or have a job they’ve always wanted, either way it can feel like you’re always winning and they’re always losing. So whenever they interact with you they’re searching for weaknesses in your armor, they want you to have flaws and make mistakes. They bide their time waiting for you to say something wrong when you finally do mess up they’ll make it seem like a huge deal. And the worst part is they’ll never let it go.
Why do people do this? Like I said, people don’t like to lose when they’re feeling jealous. They’re desperate to beat you at something they start dumb arguments and refuse to give up because they’re feeling insecure around you. They need these little petty victories to feel good about themselves.
5. Blind hatred
Sometimes we don’t know what to do with our jealousy we can’t pinpoint why we care so much, so jealousy quickly turns into hatred. Imagine your friend is going on and on about a band, they dislike every chance they get. They rant about how terrible their music is but if they really hate them why is this band on their mind so much more often than not? It’s because they’re trying to cover up how much they like them, it works pretty much the same way for people when someone is jealous they might say behind your back that they hate you. They might go out of their way to tell people how frustrating you are but in reality they want to be just like you. So what do you do when you’ve got someone like this in your life, is there any way to get past it?
Unfortunately the answer is usually no. These kinds of people are an almost constant source of negativity. Don’t let them be an anchor in your life, if they can’t understand their own feelings it isn’t your job to fix things for them. You can try to be positive and kind but until they’re ready to accept their jealousy you might as we’ll keep your distance.
6. Stealing individuality
Jealousy isn’t always negative sometimes you’re jealous of someone because you respect them maybe you want to be like them. You might admire the choices they’ve made or the risks they’ve taken or you like their style and wish you could do something similar. Whatever your reasons are, when you respect someone you naturally start to imitate them. There’s an old saying that “imitation is the highest form of flattery” and it’s true.
When someone copies you they’re using you as a role model, they’re saying you’re living the kind of life they want to live. Overtime this practice has become a staple part of our culture as you grow and learn you look to the people around you to guide your choices. You might imitate your parents eating habits or copy your grandfather’s hobbies. As you get older you look towards celebrity’s mentors and other icons to find your path. It can influence where you live, what you do and even how you dress. My point is that imitation is natural, unavoidable and relatively healthy.
Pretty much everything you do in life, you do because someone you admire did it first they gave you direction they inspired you to take action. They might have opened doors that you didn’t know existed but just like you have role models you might be a role model for someone else. That someone might imitate you because they’re jealous of all that you’ve accomplished. When you’re on the receiving end this can be irritating, you might think you’re being insulted or cheated. It’s frustrating when you invest time and effort into something only for the next person to just copy your work or maybe it’s just strange to watch someone else steal your individuality. Either way, remember that deep down they’re only imitating you because you’re their definition of success.
7. Inventing competition
This kind of jealousy can also make people more competitive. We strive to surpass the people we respect the most, in fact that’s the exact reason we try so hard to beat them if we didn’t respect them we wouldn’t care.
Just think about any major league sport. People respect the highest-ranking teams the most, so you get the biggest boost from winning against them. This is also how rivalries work, they rely on a healthy amount of jealousy to keep each side passionate and competitive. So how does this translate into your everyday life? Say you notice someone constantly competing against you at work when you’re trying to succeed they’re fighting you.
Every step of the way they might root for you to fail or try to bring you down they may argue against your success saying things like I deserved that promotion more than you. Whether they realize it or not they only care so much because they admire you in their mind. You weren’t much different from a rival you’re someone they have to beat to feel proud and valuable. They get competitive because your success feels like their failure.
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